TwitterSep 12 2009
Today . . .
I went to bed about 2 am last night and could not sleep till around 3:30. I woke about 8:35, cleaned the kitchen from yesterday’s meals and remnants from the previous day while I listened to a book on CD: “The Martha Rules” by Martha Stewart: I have a tremendous respect for her. Then I went from the little ones I care for on Fridays, to lunch at school with them and my children, then to errands, they left and John, my son, showed up and we worked on Joomla, he left, I picked up Cal and Dan from Extended Day, Grace wasn’t interested in coming because, and I quote, “Your place is too boring!” 
I worked while my sons did their thing and we interacted quite a bit since the nature of my work was a lot of point and click as I searched for things on the internet. They stayed till now, I just took them home, and as I sit here waiting on John to return so we can pick up with where we left off I am engulfed with the same loneliness I went to bed with . . .
(I stop here b/c this is where John arrives, we work, he left and I’m back here again . . . with you)
I know that I typically am bubbling over with excitement and energy and as a rule I am, but then there are those: it totally sucks to be divorced and alone days. Not every day, but there are those times. Frankly I have adjusted to my ex not being my husband. That was without a doubt the best thing, I was lonely in that relationship. It’s just that there are times my heart aches deeply, in an untouchable spot.
I debated a lot today, about whether I should include this in my blog . . . But I think, in fairness, since you’re going with me on this journey I should. Because, in my blog description I state that this about my transition and the very name I gave my blog says: from housewife to. I would be amiss to leave it out: the picture would not be complete and honest.
Today I hated my apartments dishwasher, stove, and fridge. When I was married, after we went through the 16 years of struggling financially, I had Bosch dishwashers: they actually washed the dishes when they were dirty, I had a Viking six burner stove top and the amazing oven to match, a double sided fridge and all were gleaming stainless steel. The house had ceilings that reached for the moon and not one but two 6 foot high and at least 8 foot wide fireplaces. When the floursent bulbs blew I didn’t have to change them, when the truck broke he dealt with it. Today I do it all and with far, far, far less. Today it just sucks. Today I want a relationship. I want to be loved. Hugged. Touched and cared for. And I don’t want to do the check book anymore. I thought I already did this struggle do without thing??
I’m going to bed . . .
Theresa
