From House Wife To Film Maker

Con’t from last post…

So here’s the comment I started off talking about in my last post:
“I too am a writing a book . . . I love writing. I love blogging. I love communicating with the world through words. And talking. I’m a talker too! Now that I’ve typed that I guess I’m most easily summed up by saying I’m a communicator! Wow, just found a way to define me right here in this little comment form. Don’t we find the most amazing things in the strangest of places?? LOL.”

I had to share this with you after my post: “Be yourself”. Isn’t it cool? I create that post, then this happens. Let me pause and say, least you think I’m slipping a gear or two, I do already realize that I’m a writer and a talker. The revelation came when I was able to hear myself say the bit about summing myself up as being a communicator. That’s when a light bulb starting warmly glowing. Goodness. Communicating is such a strong part of who I am. Everything about me probably tiers down from this aspect: writing, teaching, film making… And you know what? I’m good with it. Finally. As of now, good…with…it…good with being a communicator.

While I grew up I was always told I talked too much. And I did. And as an adult my ex-husband replaced my parents voice. Others would jokingly point it out. So, really the problem has been that I’ve spent most my life being ashamed of this part of me. If anything it was something I made fun of myself. It was also something I tried to control. However, it was like stopping the waves of the ocean. It was such a strong part of me I couldn’t help but communicate. That part has always taken the lead leaving me completely oblivious to reading the signs and receiving any message and direction from them.

I wish when I was in my teens someone somewhere in life had said, “Theresa you’re a strong communicator. You do it well and you enjoy it, that is OBVIOUS. Use that in your life. Enrich the world by making it your life path. Make it what you ‘do’ and you’ll live a full, happy life. You’ll have a place to constructively expend all that need to talk.” I suppose I could have seen it myself, but then I was too caught up in seeing it as negative and annoying to others.

In adult life a few of people saw this about me. They mentioned it, one frequently. One person commented to me about 6-8 months ago. I said to this person, “Yeah my father always told me I could talk a tin ear off.” This person looked at me stunned and puzzled, and said, “That was a compliment. You really are an amazing communicator.” I was embarrassed and more than that nearly desperate to be able to actually hear them. Even when I tried to re-run what they said to connect to being complimented in this area I couldn’t. There were flickering moments I did, but then I didn’t know what to do with it, and mostly I couldn’t get past the “negative,” being trapped in my past and others opinions.

Not being consciously connected has kept me from refining it to be used constructively. To cull from all my chattiness a directional purpose. Now that I’m seeing it as a positive I have given myself PERMISSION. The freedom and ability to view it through a clear lense. Which will enable me to begin to utilize my love of communication in a wonderful, powerful way. I will find satisfaction from my communicating and this will enable it to become healthy and balanced. It can be the something that I touch the world with and more importantly I can “BE MYSELF”!

What’s always been the problem is that I haven’t been using what I have properly. So it’s been oozing out all over the place making a mess. Any tool properly used can produce amazing results. Take a pair of scissors for instance, if I try to use them to cut up my vegetables they will do the job, sort of, after a good bit of work expended and odd looking vegetables. However if I used them to cut paper, now I’ll be cutting up a storm!

I’m going to start cutting paper!

This will be my conscious focus, to develop my communication and to become proud of myself in this area. And as I work at it I will be able to be proud, because it will be used constructively, powerfully, and beautifully.

Annnnd I’m also encouraging you to do the same in your life that just occurred in mine. Examine you. Who are you? What do you have that you don’t even see? But it’s falling out all over the place. You find it by asking the question. If you pray, pray and ask. If you ask your subconscious things, ask it. If you ask yourself things, ask. Whatever you do, do it and give that God part, that you trust, something to answer. Stop thinking you know everything already. Good god that’s what I was doing all these years and look what it got me. You can’t tell someone something that already knows it all. Ask a question, you’ll get an answer. Knock and keep knocking till the answer comes.

Theresa Jane
-who found a big slice of herself today, and served it up in 915 words.
Be sure to leave me a comment, now or later. Let me know what you think, and about being/finding/becoming what you already are, yourself!

Tags: becoming myself, being myself, communicaion, communicate, communicator, finding myself

Trackback URI | Comments RSS