TwitterNov 24 2009
PeEriNG doWn THe RaBBiT hOLe conclusion, Be The Change You Wish to See in the World Mahatma Gandhi…
I finally got a chance to re-read my last post and I see where I could have improved it. But, as I said already, I needed to wrap it up. I’m sort of blank with where to go now. I think the hour and the activity of the day are influencing that, it’s 2 am and I’ve been working and going all day. I do have a stray things to share so I’m just going to spill them out…
1) I do want to say that in my life there has been some emotion. I’ve been guarded with it, yes. Overall. But with my kids I was able to pour it on them. Snuggle them close. Brush their cheeks with love kisses. Laugh and cry with them. I was able, with them.
2) I have two people that I really opened up to and showed me to and that was John1 and my dearest of friends, Cathy. With Cathy, At first I approached this friendship very carefully. I let her see a little of me. Then a little more… She excepted me. Didn’t judge me. Didn’t try to tell me what I should do. Didn’t use or drain me. Didn’t accuse me of not being perfect. Accepted me when I was and when I wasn’t. A rare and true friend. I allowed her to see me. I trusted her with me. It took a long time to develop in the beginning but it’s a foundation that’s stood. Our friendship has lasted 19 years even though for the last 7 it’s been very intermittent. We both live on opposite ends of the country now and is part of the reason. I miss our talks. But the friendship is there just as sturdy.
3) I do have a heart that wants to assist people. It really is my nature to encourage and uplift. However the unbalance came when I never included me.
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi
4) I have this on free wall space in my closet on purpose. So everyday I choose my clothes I see it. It’s a huge part of what drives me and has kept me down in the rabbit hole, not quitting. I have wanted to “be the change”. In order to do so I have to do the work. Find the issues. Their roots and foundations and transform them into healing and love. Only then can I hope that the world will achieve the same.
4) I have this on free wall space in my closet on purpose. So everyday I choose my clothes I see it. It’s a huge part of what drives me and has kept me down in the rabbit hole, not quitting. I have wanted to “be the change”. In order to do so I have to do the work. Find the issues. Their roots and foundations and transform them into healing and love. Only then can I hope that the world will achieve the same.
I went with my son Benjamin to the movie “The Blind Side.” Terrific movie. This is a must, must, must see. Take tissues. You’ll need them. The timing of this movie was perfect time for me. Right in the midst of facing and examining my mask of worthlessness and all its far reaching tentacles. The woman that was the mom in this film is one of the strongest, most self-confident, loving, caring woman I’ve had the opportunity to observe. It was obvious that she struggled with physically showing love and when she was emotionally touched or moved she backed away. I’ve got the same issue. But confident she was. Sandra Bullock did a terrific job on her role and thanks to her I have a visual to file in my mind to pull from when I feel myself slipping that mask back on. I’ve always been a strong, caring woman. But to be strong and caring is one thing. To add self-confidence to it. Now that’s the perfect combination. That‘s to strive for.
So I feel I’ve come to the end of this. At lest for now. I’m totally open and more than willing to dialog through emails or comments. But for posts I’m going back to the way I’ve been posting all along. Unless there’s public outcry to the opposite 
And I mean that seriously. At the very least I now have something to pepper into my new posts don’t I? I will end by saying: I’m thankful that I now have eyes to see the “face” of my mask. Because with daily commitment I can take major steps toward what I’ve uttered as a silent prayer for years: To be the change I wish to see in the world.
And I mean that seriously. At the very least I now have something to pepper into my new posts don’t I? I will end by saying: I’m thankful that I now have eyes to see the “face” of my mask. Because with daily commitment I can take major steps toward what I’ve uttered as a silent prayer for years: To be the change I wish to see in the world.Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-least I overlook there was one other friend, D. who, over time, I let in a good bit.
Theresa Jane
-least I overlook there was one other friend, D. who, over time, I let in a good bit.
