TwitterDec 16 2009
Coming to understand changes how I see and live . . .
“Some things take years to learn, and seconds to understand.” I pulled this quote out of the blog called, “Becoming Jennie”. Jennie is 26 and on the same path as I: finding herself for the first time and creating a new life. Transformation is taking place in her life. I only wish I could have had the same experience at her age. Then I could have redeemed twenty years of my life.
Becoming “you” is vital to everyone’s existence, if we’re to have a full and satisfying life. You’d think something this vital would be taught more. But I know I wasn’t. My parents, most especially my mother, wanted me to bend and torque to the image she wanted from me and if I didn’t: well look out.
Being raised this way caused me to live with blinders. Blocking out much that didn’t fit the pattern she beat into my head: submissive, obedient, don’t question, don’t feel, fear… Keeping me from seeing the way I had become. Let alone know that there may be another way. A better way. Therefore it has taken years of working with my life coach to learn certain essential things and literally seconds to understand.
For instance I worked years with my coach before he assisted me to see the mask I wore was called “worthless“. Oh sure I “saw” it. More or less. Some times I caught glimpse of it. But I didn’t understand it till last month. That day the light went on, I understood. I understood the far reaching implications, how it literally effected my every thought and action every single day… I shaped my life around that word and it was riddled with hurt and disappointment and I expected nothing else: worthless people don’t deserve happiness.
Now that I “understand” I’m able to form new thoughts and remind myself: I have value and worth, I can be loved and show emotion, I can live for me… It’s safe. And best of all now I can detect when I feel myself beginning to slip on the mask of worthlessness. Enabling me to take action to negate it. Some times I win big. Others sort of. Others not at all… but at least now I can evaluate it…
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
