TwitterDec 22 2009
What !BLAM!ming has done for me, Part 1 . . .
Christmas bells are ringing, for me!
It’s been a week and two days since I called my parents and !BLAM!ed them. (click here for video) I took control of my life. Stood up, as an adult and said, “Wait just a minute here…” and the results are continuing to be astounding. Since I hung up it’s been a new experience. My healing has taken off at warp speed. Even John1 mentioned it today…
It’s all been soooo dramatic I must tell you, from the beginning:
After ending the call I cried. I sat down on John1′s couch and became a blob of human flesh, exhausted and staring at his TV as characters danced around in the “White Christmas” movie. Pain pierced at my temples and in the middle of my forehead. I felt drugged. Almost listless. My brain creeped just like during “the drug days” when creepy crawlers moved along the surface of my brain. Except this didn’t end and it covered my entire brain. I felt the entire networked surface of my brain. Front to back, side to side.
About an hour later I staggered off the couch. Went to John’s office where he was working on rendering the video of me !BLAM!ming into the computer, told him I needed to go. Slid into my coat and drove home. As I drove paranoia crashed over me. When I was young I had became paranoid a lot. So this made sense. I had stood up to my parents and the old brain patterns took over and old fears struck out at me…
In my apartment I was stir crazy, fighting paranoia, almost afraid to be alone. I kept telling myself my childhood mantra: “Everything’s okay. I ‘m going to be alright.” I couldn’t even watch TV anymore. John1 called to check on me. He helped me through it till I was finally able to woo my body to relax and sleep. Then I slept. Like a rock. Till 12 pm the next day.
Woke feeling like I had cried the whole night through. Honestly? I think I had. In another state of consciousness. In another plane of reality I spent the night griving and releasing. Finally totally facing the fact that I never had a childhood. I never had a family life. It was like someone had sat me down the night before and said to the small child inside me, “Theresa your parents were killed in a car wreck. They’re never coming home.” And that little girl cried and cried till she was dry of tears and when she awoke she was ready to face life with the reality that she was parentless and needed to move on.
I awoke a bit fuzzy headed. Eyes, head, and body heavy from the all night cry. But inspired. Excited. 
Too excited to sit at the computer and work. I wanted to spend time with my daughter Grace. So I went to her school, intercepted her before she boarded the bus for home, swept her off to see “The Christmas Carol”, then went C. shopping. Great fun. Great mom daughter time. Our best ever.
Came home wrote my blog and was feeling nostalgic so that’s what I wrote, a good childhood Christmas memory mixed with the day’s events. (click here for this post)
From that day to this I have noticed a very different me. Freer. Happier. Stronger. I walk straighter. Feel confidence growing. I’m looking people in the eye more. I am speaking my mind. Laughing freely. Being playful. Oh it goes on and on. It’s been the melting of the Ice Queen, me, to an unrecognizable puddle. Thank God.
Who could ask for more? Well…there is more. A lot and it’s wonderful. And that’s tomorrow.
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-who catches herself smiling for no reason 
that’s the greatest present of all…
