TwitterJan 06 2010
I have received 2 different reactions from my parents from !BALM!ming them. . .
I want to pause from my ongoing story to point out a couple things…
I have experienced two DIFFERENT reactions from my parents since the !BLAM!.
One positive and one negative.
I share to encourage others…
I share to say I understand…
My STEP-FATHER on the one hand has been a broken man since the !BLAM!
(Click here to read how remorseful he has been since the !BLAM!)
I also want to add that his change really began nearly 3 years ago when I went home and did, shall we call it, a very minor !BLAM! before I even had this concept to work from. I went home to try to form some semblance of peace with my parents and I mildly faced them with the issues of the past. (click here to read that post) As I shared in that post… both back then and again (and more so) since the !BLAM! he has:
Asked for forgiveness,
Been incapable of understanding how I could ever forgive him for all he did in the past.
Taken the full burden of what he did.
And just as important and necessary he has completely changed in a positive manner towards me.
The control is gone.
The hooks are gone.
The power plays are gone.
I’m respected as an adult and much more.
Has his change been perfect? No, but I’ve sure seen a turn in the opposite direction. That gives me reason to believe he’s working on what little’s missing. And honestly the little that’s missing tends to be due to him getting caught by my mother in one of her fire storms and taking her side. That is a difficult situation I understand. He has to live with her. Try to maintain peace with her. His health for the last 7 or so years has been in a delicate place and he has to rely on her. So again this is a sticky wick.
My MOTHER on the other hand, sadly, is a hard woman who continues to refuse to except responsibility, or to change.
Both since I went home and since the !BLAM!.
So far she’s made no verbal reference to me regarding the !BLAM!, but there’s been plenty of actions. (go back and read prior posts)
She’s angry, and she’s been showing me she is.
It’s apparent that she wants to hurt me.
Her treatment of me has been in a manner where she’s showing that she’s not giving and she’s still exerting her old, “I’m the mother you’re the child” tricks to attempt to control me.
There’s not been remorse.
There’s been no owning what she did.
From what others have been telling me she’s saying, I’m lying about the past. I’m making her the wrong one. It was all dad’s fault and yet I blame her for everything…she’s done nothing wrong. Troubles that we’ve had between her and I, in my adult years, have been because of me, I want to hurt her. I’m mean to her. I’m disrespectful…
With that shared let me hasten to say, I understand why my mother’s upset and has for all these years continued to hold on to her position that she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s innocent. I can only imagine that she’s living in turmoil. The “best” that she did when I was growing up, obviously came out of her own problems that she suffered at the hands of her mother and father. I understand that she, just as my step-father, did the best that they could when they raised me and I sympathize with them both in this area. But their “best” caused a whole lot of suffering and pain in my childhood and long term effects to my adult life. Therefore, I hope and pray my mother will come to see and understand what she has done. Not only do I hope she comes to see and truly/sincerely own what she has done, I hope she can change her ways towards me. If and when this happens my mother and I, the lion and the lamb, will lie together in peace and love.
Hopefully my mom can come to see all this and make some changes in order to free herself up from her personal-living-hell.
And I ask that you, my friends, keep my mother and I, our healing our relationship, in your prayers and mediation.
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-I’m wondering, do you have a story to share?? -OR- Has what I’ve been sharing been helpful to you? Please share in my comment section . . .
Theresa, I will keep you and you family in my thoughts and prayers. I am truly sorry for the pain you have suffered. Does your Mother’s religion have anything to do with her behavior? If so, I am in no way justifying her behavior I am just curious? I am happy that your Dad has shown you remorse and you have been able to forgive. That could not have been easy for either of you. I also hope the load you have been carrying has been lightened. I hope for your Mother’s sake that she can apologize and work to be a better person. If not she will be missing out having a relationship with a very special woman. She has missed out on so much already with you and your kids.
I have to say a solid and firm yes, that my mother’s religion creates a worse scenrio to her behavior. Taking how she continues to live with the pain and turmoil of her childhood (that she claims doesn’t exist) and vaults it through the ceiling and on into the outer stratosphere.
The situation with my dad is amazingly better. I will say that it is still foreign and can be a awkward at times as we try to get to know one another.
Thank you for your loving concern and comments.
Theresa Jane
Theresa,
I’m 47, second to the youngest of 12 children, raised with an alcoholic father, enabling mother. Am at the place of being given the key to open back up to my sexuality after all these years of having pulled the plug on it to feel safe. I don’t know what all lies behind the doors of my locked up fortress. I know my older sisters endured sexual incest and for as long as I can remember I knew it wasn’t safe to show what was developing by hiding under sweatshirts. Any of this ring any bells with you?
Kate
Hi Kate,
I think you’re making an awesome step. An important step that should be made in a delicate way. What I mean by delicate is, take your time, go slow, and make sure your partner understands you and will support your history. I recommend that you read the book: Red Book and Cotton as this book, I believe, will assist you to travel a journey that leads to true-freedom. I also recommend that you view my two videos at John’s YouTube channel (www.youtube.com/johnsolomonsandridge) and consider using the process of !BLAM!ming to heal your past as it is mine.
The titles of the video’s are: 45 and I Still Fear my Mother’s Voice and How and Why to !BLAM! paRENTS.
Theresa Jane
Theresa Jane,
I appreciate your caution. I have learned that my highest priority in all this to keep my heart open to Love which for me is Father God and to look to His guidance for my next step and timing of it all. I have lived most my life resisting Him/Love because my highest priority used to be to control and resist being controlled. Controlling and not being controlled became my god. To give that up, I thought that I’d become too vulnerable to being hurt, rejected, dominated. To avoid the pain of what I feared was more important than loving myself and others. I choose to make control or being controlled NOT the issue anymore. Love has become more important and I can teach the wounded parts of me this wisdom as they try to dictate my life.
Isn’t it amazing how God provides each one of us with just the right tools to break free of our imprisonment! As much as I’d like you to benefit from what I’ve read and learned, I can see that He is guiding you richly with what He wants you to have personally for your own specific way to learn.
I think that your desire to create short videos can be a huge lightbulb moment to many who are just coming to grips with the chains that bind them and great encouragement to others already walking through their healing process.
You Go Girl!
Kate
Ooooo, we, control and not being controlled is a huge matter. One that I’ve really given attention to over the years and can still see where it crops up.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. It is greatly appreciated. I sent it on to John1: my business partner and the one that creates those marvelous gems and to John and Frances who work with us.
Theresa Jane