TwitterJan 12 2010
There's a richness with my kids . . .
I just got in, it’s 12 ish and I have to say it’s with a smile that I’ve come to share with you…
I’ve been so focused on where my life and healing has been going for the last month or so and there has been the need to fill my blogs with so many words just to cover that topic that I haven’t taken the time to veer into other areas in the effort to not overwhelm you with more to read. So tonight I’m going to make my post about areas that I’ve neglected…my kids.
Interestingly since I !BLAM!med my parents there began cracks with the children that have issues with me, as I mentioned in prior posts. Click here for those posts.
Of them I mentioned one wanted to have as little to do with me as possible. And I’m happy to share that it’s been slooow going but we’ve progressed. One night about a month ago, ‘they’ did let out about an hour of steam, in a calm fashion, towards me about the things that upset “them.” ‘They’, in a sense, mini-!BLAM!med me. I listened, apologized, and told them they were right.
Since we’ve inched along and I have to say Christmas was very nice, and surprisingly we even went to a movie together. But today was better. It was super really. We talked a long, long time, two different times, like we used to. And I’m thankful. But I’m also wise enough to know that ‘this one’ still has things to work through. Although matters between didn’t seem quite as delicate, there was a hint of it skimming the edges. So, I respected the “edges.” At the end of our conversation I again encouraged ‘them’ to do a full out !BLAM! with me. I had shared during the course of our talk how liberating and healing it has been for me and that I wanted that for ‘them’. I do hope that one day ‘this one’ will be able to do so.
Also, another adult child did !BLAM! me and their father several weeks ago. Right after I had done mine. At the time none of my kids knew about my !BLAM! with my parents, but I knew and I offered them the opportunity and ‘this one’ took it and ran. ‘This one’ and I have talked on and off since, in small sessions, and I’m glad to say that this relationship is also healing. I will also add that we both see the need for ‘this one’ to do it again. That the first was only the beginning. So when ‘they’ are ready ‘they’ have said ‘they’ will.
So that’s the fast forward catch up with my kids. It’s wonderful and I’m thankful and am committed to doing all I can to assist them to heal, in as much as it has to do with their issues with me.
Now, for me, well, tomorrow is my “life couch/therapist/Naturopathic Spiritual Intuitive”. And I have to say I’m locked and loaded. I’m ready. I’m sure there will be pain and tears as he takes me even deeper into my issues of unforgiveness and the hate I carry for my mother. But I’m ready. Today, I’m so ready. I want to be free. I’m going to be free. I’m going to transform.
An interesting thing has taken place inside me since I… saw, then was honest and confessed the hate and unforgiveness I’ve been carrying…both have been deflating. Like the helium that leaks slowly out of a mylar balloon. I’m not going to even try and deceive you into thinking that “I’ve got this one”, but I can say that I’m not so searingly uncaring as I was. It’s the honesty that brings that about, it’s sets a person free. So tomorrow I’m going to be as honest as need be. Because tomorrow I’m going to go about killing these “demons” a little bit more…
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-above I have creative ways of not letting you know which of my children I’m referring to. That’s out of respect to them. I’ve not asked if I can share their names yet. So for now they’ll be, ‘them’, ‘they’, and ‘this one’
Do as I say, not as I do…who didn’t grow up with that??? Wow, your kids will surely benefit by your ability to just live this out before them as a role model. As they watch they will learn. Thanks for veering off your personal specific path to show us what is going on with your children. And thanks for not leaving it up to the “professionals” school/sunday school teachers.
Do as I say…rings in my ears from the shadows of the past for sure. And yeah I’ve always been the type to admit when I was wrong and to lead my kids with what, at the time, I was able to see I needed to change or correct. I believe in others having a positive influence on them but I believe I better be first in that line.
Theresa Jane