TwitterJan 14 2010
A tiny crack . . .
John, my friend and business partner, called…
“Theresa can you go to YouTube and watch the new movie I posted.”
“Sure.”
…….watching movie……
“Wow John, very powerful. Better than the last one. Amazing. I’m able to see the extremeness of the fear I have for my mother to a degree that I hadn’t seen until now.”
“Yes, others can see what we can’t…”
……..conversation……..
“When my mother sees these videos it’s either going to cause her to be furious and shut me out or… possibly they’ll finally break her.”
……..conversation……
“Well, Theresa, the thing that’s most important is that you heal your issues with her. And that will also take your energy out that’s contributing to her stuff and what she does. Whether or not she changes is up to her…”
…….conversation……
“Well, I hope that one day, for her sake, she decides to do something to change and heal,” I said.
That’s when I stopped. Right there in the middle of my kitchen. I stopped. I had to. I had completely surprised myself by what I had just said. I had to process this. More importantly to feel what I felt. It was unfamiliar and it was warm.
“John, that’s the first time I’ve cared one way or the other about what my mother does for her healing. I mean I know it’s up to her what she does but what I just said I said from an emotionally sincere level. Those words came out effortlessly. With compassion. Just like I have for others in the past that I have felt compassion for and I was hoping would be able to stay with their healing to get their freedom.
“Wow…..
“My….
“Goodness…
“Something is happening…
“This is new. Totally new.
“You know even just this weekend I was wondering how I’d ever have any compassion, let alone love, for my mother at all. I was frustrated and concerned at how hard and cold I was. I was talking to myself about the seriousness of my condition and how I must overcome this and even in spite of how she may treat me in the future. First for myself then for her. I certainly don’t want to die in this hate. Every human being deserves compassion and love no matter what they’ve done. But I couldn’t imagine how I’d get there, even in spite of the fact that I now have compassion, forgiveness, and love for my step-father when I once, as you well know, hated him like the Jews hated Hitler.
“…those sessions and emotion treatments I ‘ve gotten the last few weeks surrounding this, the !BLAM!, the work I’ve done up till now, all the prayer, meditation, asking for dreams–I’ve asked for so many dreams I felt like one of those kings out of the Old Testament–has all complied to today, to allow this tiny crack to begin.”
I backed up slumped against my refrigerator for support, and extinguished a rush of stale air that I think has been stored in my lungs for 37 years and said, “Oh thank God.
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-ya know what??? This makes me think of the movies: Ice Age…
John’s new video:
I am so happy for you. This seems like a really big breakthrough for you. You should be very proud of yourself.
I’m smiling too. You’re playing “in the zone”. It took me decades to really learn I have little or no control over what others do (though I CAN influence it sometimes by acting correctly). What I CAN have total control over is how i REACT to what they do.
I enjoy witnessing your emergence into a life more free.
I agree with your comment about being an influence by “acting correctly”. What we say is: “When I heal the world is healed.”
Theresa
Thank you
Theresa Jane