From House Wife To Film Maker

CONTINUED from yesterday and the days before that:
Let me wrap this all up by saying you should know…

that what I’ve shared in this series of posts, regarding taking my parental RESPON-sibility, drew out for months.  When I was having problems with my first born son it went on for years because I had no idea what on earth to do.  But last year when I got with it, by applying what I had come to learn from my healing and my couch, things have been turning around in a major way and this year the difference is astounding.  I took what I had learned already, married it with what I had to hurry and learn with the another of my adult children–that I have left nameless and often refer to as “this one”– that had wanted nothing to do with me that I have spoken of in prior posts and we accelerated.

So I’m thankful that with this “one” the time that we’ve experience a crumbling and then complete break down in our relationship, it’s only been around a year.   And the time from when it all crumbled…a little over 6 months.

But know this, for a long time there were NO changes.  No interest in talking with me.  Having any information shared as to the problem.  Just a brick wall… No communication.  LOTS of anger.  When changes did occur they were so mild I didn’t think that they amounted to anything.  “They” even took the time to let me know that the niceness hadn’t meant a thing, that “they” had just been polite and for me to not look for more from them.

The process of restoration that has included and mostly been attributed to them !BLAM!ming me, has been tough and painful.  However, it has all been worth it. It certainly has not been nearly as painful as it was  going through life being utterly despised by “them” and “them” seizing up every time I came around when they might happen to be there.

Had I not done what I shared in this series of posts, the bit by bit, and a little bit more, and a bit more that that has occurred– bringing us to the where I began this series: to “this adult child” wanting to share a movie with me– would NEVER have happened.  TRUST me on this one.  It never did with my first born.  That relationship was only healed after I made the changes AND REPSONded and listened.  And let them !BLAM! me.

I’m not going to say to you that things are magically and perfectly restored.  We didn’t get here overnight.  Things are delicate but not fragile.  So I’m cautious.  We still have much healing to do, BUT now, thankfully, we’re moving out of a broken relationship and into a healed one.

And another thing I’ve learned in all this is: I’ve given my kids over to “their” life in areas, that before, I would have struggled doing, and that’s whether I like it or not.  And really I’m getting to where I am moving outside of having any feeling of like or dislike or concern about what they do at all.  I’m in process of dropping the control and yielding them over to their life with no strings attached to me.  Just as I wanted mine when I was young and still do and am taking it back from my mother.  She won’t release, but I will my children for their sakes and mine.  It’s their life.  It’s them I love, not what they may or may not do.  So I’m loving them.  Unconditionally.  Fully and wholly.  Where they are.

I hope that this series has helped.  I’ve tried my best to give the full, honest picture.  Without overwhelming you with lengthy posts that dribble on and on but provide some meat.

So take heart, if you’re in a painful situation with your child/ren there is hope

Tomorrow I’m feeling the urge to write as the writer that I am.  Haven’t done that in a while.  Be all literary.  For sometime now my posts have been focused on all the healing going on from me to my mother and then from me to my kids and from them to me.  LOL.  I seem to be… stuck here in the middle…with you.  Sorry couldn’t resist…

Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane

Tags: healing relationships with our children, hope

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