TwitterJan 26 2010
To Be Invisible or Visible That is the Question? . . .
I was at Walmart tonight. Went in purposefully intending to not rush. Take my time. Acutally look around. Think of and buy the things I keep forgetting, like ground cinnamon, because I’m always moving through with a blue streak trailing behind…
So there I was minding my own business, enjoying the stroll, or should I say pushing the metal grated tub that Wal-mart so eagerly desires for me to fill, through the store. It was more of a quite night which is sort of rare, so I was grateful…
Then it happened. A woman I know, you know the type… you know them just enough to have a small, but nice, polite conversation but never call on the phone, walked down the baking isle straight at me while I was scanning for baking powder. Our eyes made contact, we exchanged a breezy, “Hello, how are you?” “I’m good, how are you.” “I’m great.” And then we were passed one another. Neither breaking their stride. You could feel the relief that the encounter was over. Which left me wondering why any of us bother with these exchanges at all?
That got me thinking about human interactions…again. I can think about this. Not like all the time or anything. But I do. Do you?
Since I was in this convenient location I started looking at people without a smile and then with. It was difficult to get anyone to look back. But easier if I smiled. The ones that noticed I was smiling at first looked at me like I was holding a gun. They had this quick stop moving, then double take. Then they relaxed and smiled back. Almost grateful to have someone, anyone acknowledge them with a smile. For me this is when, at times I will say something. Tonight I said nothing. Just to see what they would do. They said nothing.
You know, it really is amazing how expert we are at ignoring each other. As if the other person wasn’t there. And they can be a foot away. We do it in stores, movie theaters where we’re elbow to elbow, elevators… I watched other people to see how they were interacting and some literally looked right through other people. Then I wondered, “Do I do that? I bet I do. Yeah, I do.”
It became almost odd as I looked around. So very many wanted to not be seen. Like at all. They did all they could not to be. “So strange I thought, here I am looking at people, you know like they were actually there alive and breathing, right by me and I want to acknowledge them but they’re uncomfortable with me even seeing them.”
And yet what do we all crave? Companionship. Love. Acknowledgment. People in our lives… This is truly dyslexic. We’re all dyslexic.
I am one of those people that has days where I purposefully go around greeting people and talking in elevators. Then I don’t. I want to get in and get out. Unnoticed. To blend in to the surroundings. I’m half dyslexic <Big grin, LOL> I think it’s the Gemini in me, it’s all I can figure.
Well, anyway all I could say was… how strange this all is. Then I think, hummmmm….
What are all these people thinking? Are they hurting. Are they like this because of their pasts and their silent pains? What’s hurting inside them? What are they fearing. Like I have hurts. Fears. Insecurities.
We’re all so much the same. And yet different. And then the same…
Hungry for love and acceptance. Carrying around something that makes us do sometimes odd behaviors, or cause us to stop and ask ourselves, “Now why did I just do that?” Unconscious acts that we do everyday, that came out of our pasts, that dictate our behavior and thoughts today. In the effort to maintain. To survive. Even if we don’t really view it that way… consciously.
These are my thoughts. What do you think? Share, would you?
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
This is a very interesting post, which I enjoyed thinking about.
It’s also weird (and cool) because BEFORE reading it I posted a variation of the same topic today, in response to someone who asked me why I don’t write about who I am. (Why “Invisible Mikey”?) They were curious.
Re: yesterday’s topic
Uploaded pix to WordPress.com get resized by the software. When you select the “upload image” icon above the box for a new post, it then allows you to select what resolution. If you don’t select one, there’s a default “medium” setting. Their “full size” setting is 450x pixels. I dunno how WordPress.net works by comparison. I’m still at the Blogging for Dummies stage.
It is really weird for me when I do smile at a stranger in a grocery store and they continue just to stare into space like through me giving no positive or negative animation to their face…robotic sci-fi like. Even though it feels weird as I get no response to my smile I do understand their state as like you, it is my state also at times.
And this non-expression for me comes from when I am so full up with stuff I don’t want to feel that in order to survive the day, I must side-step what others may need to psychically invisibly unload into may already full pot. I still do not understand fully why I can stand in front of a person and take on what they are feeling, but it goes on day in and day out with me.
It has made it difficult to sort through and take responsibility for my own emotions because there’s my husband’s sadness and my friends restlessness and and and. So all I can do is inquire of them – Are you feeling sad? Are you restless? and guess what, they are feeling these things but don’t want to own and process them. So I end up with their feelings shoved into my soul. Kind of like someone taking a dump in your living room. I know this sounds rather crazy and I find few to none who address this. I guess it is what you call a burden bearer. I am trying to learn what to do with others burdens. In the past, I thought it was just me and that led me into cycles of depression as a result of not knowing what to do about it.
Anyway, what you wrote about made me think of this because of your question about wondering what is happening inside these people.
LOL. I did think about your “invisibility” when I wrote my post, but honestly there was no silent message there. I was full blown into writing it when I had the thought…”Wonder if Invisible Mikey is going to think I wrote this because of him?” And I’m like your reading with the same question, “why invisible”. Have to ask now this is all out there in the open being looked at. I mean, how could I not??
I wish I had more time to get to figuring out the whole picture thing on here. My time has been sliding steadily through the hour glass with no time to breath hardly. And there are certain things that just aren’t getting attention. Pictures is one of those things. I have no idea what they do differently from the wp.com to here but something sure the deuce is because it isn’t the 1,2,3 of wp.com.
When I get a moment I’m going over to see what was discussed on your blog that stirred that commmenter to comment
Theresa Jane
Nuts, I had your reply nearly done and I did something and lost the whole thing.
So here goes again.
I can totally relate to your comment. I used to be like you. I think that those that went through childhood trauma tend to be this way. We learned as children to become carriers of our parents s*** and as we grew it was normal for us to broaden this way of being into everyone around us. And those around us are relieved to have someone to dump their stuff onto so they eagerly do and we have no idea how not to carry their stuff.
This is something that has taken me a very long time to learn that first of all I do and second to stop and at times I can still slip into it. It is something that my life coach teaches me in both private sessions and classes. It’s discussed a lot and I’m thankful. Because the more I can keep my self from picking up others stuff and carrying it for them the freer I become, the more I life my life. None of us are responsible to carry anyone’s stuff but our own. We are not required to become round shouldered for anyone. Everyone creates their own life and they are responsible for it. I’ve learned to assist them if they want it, listen if they need that, but I’m getting fairly good at not carrying others garbage.
It takes conscious effort to come out of this way of being. But it is defiantly worth the commitment to ourselves to free ourselves from this pattern we developed. It feels foreign at first and a lot like betrayal and non-caring/loving. But it isn’t. It’s our birth right to life free of others stuff, it’s just that somewhere when we were little itty bittys we decided the stuff our parents wanted us to carry was something that we had to do and then it got all distorted with love for them and toward us. We felt obligated. We relented to and shouldered their stuff. Meanwhile they go around happy and burden free while we slump under the weight. Others can pick up on our openness to carry their stuff and so they happily dump it on us carriers so they can skip off free and happy till they have more to dump, then they find another carrier. Again this is not a requirement for love or acceptance. We just believe it is. And a lot of what someone that’s been through trauma beLIEves are simply lies that we’ve told ourselves or others have told us. Coming out of this way of being is one of the most freeing and liberating experiences someone can do. I know. I am and I can testify to its truth.
So I encourage you to do all you can to free yourself of doing this and tell yourself that you love yourself too much to not live your own life so others can live theirs. You deserve your life. You only have one. Live it for yourself. And read Red Book and Cotton / Journey to True-Freedom. Give yourself some freedom today.
Theresa Jane
I have been given a picture in my mind of how to see what goes on invisibly since I wrote my last post. It has to do with seeing an umbilical cord, severing it with those who want to hand off their stuff to me and then reconnecting the cord to my Life source…Jesus Christ. I am seeing already what you are talking about as far as initially it feels like I don’t care if I don’t take on others stuff, but now I see that lie. Now, when I see my husband has sadness or resentment or whatever, I step into another room if he doesn”t want to own and work through it. I place no judgment on him for not wanting to work through it and go to have a conversation with God about him. I ask God to help him to see how unconditionally loved he is by Him and place the emotions I saw in my husband into His hands to do with what He sees best. This picture is strengthening my relationship with God and allowing me to feel the love God has for the people who at present time don’t know how or don’t feel safe enough to work through their own emotions. It’s a win win win….for me, for our Father God and for the one trying to get rid of their emotions by giving them to me.
Pretty wild, eh?
Kate,
I think that this is wildly wonderful. The picture in your mind is so cool and readily avaible to you when you need it. I love it. Gald to hear that you are progressing and thankful that you’re sharing your story with me.
Theresa Jane
TJ,
Because you made this forum for me to give feedback on what I was thinking, I was able to go the next step in asking God for wisdom and insight and then got the picture. Thank YOU!
Kate
I am honored to have been a part of your healing and growing. Thank you for letting me know by sharing it here. It inspires me to continue, never knowing who is listening and who is needing what I share.
Your welcome,
Theresa Jane
I think Walmart zaps peoples souls at the door. Everyone I ever talk to say if possible they would never shop there again. I am one of those people. I am also the person that hears you sneeze 3 aisles away and yells Bless You. I see a short person stretching to get something and offer to get it for them. I was raised that way, and refuse to let Walmart take that from me. I don’t care about skin color, religion or Political views, if you sneeze and I can hear it I will say Bless You. I guess you could say I put out what I want back. I think the rule we should follow is the Golden Rule. That should be all we really need. Just in-case I missed Y’all, God Bless You!
Oh LOL I had to read your comment a few times before I got it… very witty.
Theresa Jane