TwitterMar 22 2010
Kate Gosselin has 8, so do I, Kate Gosselin is divorced, so am I, the similarities are interesting . . .
I don’t watch a lot of television. What I do mostly consists of what I hear while I’m behind my computer monitor and the kids are watching their shows. Under these conditions I can find my head cranking around the monitors edge and taking in bits and pieces. For instance, I see lots of bits of Dirty Jobs that way. Another way I see TV is at one of my jobs I have caring for a wonderful set of twins. Their mom will have on the TV when I get there and she can hang around awhile doing various things while I care for the babies before she leaves, allowing me to see a good “bit”. Well, that was the case last Tuesday and that’s what initiated this post. It’s a bit of diverge from my standard. The show was on and there was Kate Gosselin, in a clip from The View. She was glowing with her new hair and make-up. I was struck by her extreme change, from short, straight highlighted hair, to extensions with curls. I couldn’t help but watch, listen, and think, “Wow do you look so much better. Softer. Divorce is doing you good.”
BIG physical change. But then her entire life went through a big change.
Hair and clothes seem to go hand in hand with a women getting divorced. I know it did with me. I think it’s needed. Psychologically. The shift is huge and with it much needs to change to keep up with what happened to our lives. What was hotly pursued yesterday is history today. Change can be painful. Change is good. Change produces newness…
As with Kate, divorce brought about a change in my clothes and hair but change didn’t and couldn’t stop there. I continue to be in change even today. I married at 18. Was married for 23 years. Didn’t go to college. Was a housewife/mom. I never stepped out and found me. So now old is new. Then there’s just all new. But what is new? There is nothing new under the sun is there? Just a recycle. But to me it’s new. Learning to embrace the me of I involves change. Becoming… Enlarging… Moving toward and moving away. But one thing remains the same, I’m a mom. I love and care for my kids. I miss being a stay at home mom. Since I can’t be that anymore I want to become a successful business woman. Which, in my mind makes sense. I got me a bunch of kids. I want them to have things. I want to provide it for them. Having my own successful business can bring about those things far faster than working a 9 to 5 could ever think of doing.
When I listened to the questions that the woman on The View peppered Kate with I rolled my eyes. She was supposed to be there to some degree to be talking about being on Dancing with the Stars and they wanted to know about the particulars of how her divorce is working. Is her husband, yeah a slip of the tongue, which she corrected pointing out that he was an “ex”-husband, helping by watching the kids. Is he paying alimony???? She graciously answered the first letting them know that he watched the children for a week while she was at the show, but beyond that she trailed off some on that answer. I mean is that a surprise? The woman is divorced. Is she supposed to know the where abouts of her ex? She didn’t respond to the alimony question. I applauded her for how she dealt with them on that one.
I also saw some commercial clip from a comedian making some crack about how it was good that Kate would be on Dancing with the Stars so her kids could see her once a week… Now let’s simply ignore that she is at HOME practicing in her basement.
Kate G. was for the most part admired as a stay at home mom but questioned as she transfers beyond that, as if she doesn’t need to provide for her kids, and this is something I know about…Ergo this post…
Here’s the thing that I have to state to America. I want to lay it out in blazing colors: Divorced mother’s that work and pursue their own career/business still love and care for their kids.
In all the years that I was married, I was a stay at home mom with a husband who worked at least 12 hour days and traveled for several years. When home he barely assisted me around the house…he had worked all day. And what had I done?… BUT in all the years I never heard him get peppered with questions about his fathering. Or how much money he did or didn’t give me… He was admired for his work. For the hours he put in and now since he has the children with him his praise factor has risen through the roof and me? Well… Me divorced? I don’t get a lot of praise. I get loads of intrusive questions that can imply that I don’t love my children. They started with my own mother and to this day I can hear the grating tone in her questions as she grills me to report on how much I see them. Questions from other come in a lot of the same form that I tend to hear Kate G. get and she’s the primary caretaker of her children. And they come with the same cocked eyebrow, whether visible or not, that the world gives.
What do people always want to know of me?
If I’m working my chose way to earn money: caring for other people’s children the questions will be:
1) Where are my kids now?
2) Who is caring for them?
Thoughts that bounce through my head: Oh I locked them alone in the house, left milk in the fridge and bread on the shelf and told them I’d be home in a few hours.
–Here’s another. People hesitate to hire me because, and I get this a LOT, they don’t want to bother me or take me away from caring for my kids. Lots of times when I arrive at a job they’ll ask if it’s really ok for me to be there to care for their kids? Then follows point 1 and 2 from above. (Let me add that I have many families that hire me without these questions. They’re lovely and supportive of me.)
Hum, I need to work. I have bills. I’m divorced. Not a stay at home mom. Money doesn’t just appears so I can pay bills? How is my chosen way to generate income till my business takes off, caring for children, any different then say working at Target?? I’ll tell you the difference. It would involve my personal happiness and pay. I wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much, if at all, and frankly it would likely pay less. I want to ask someone, “Is it wrong to pick child care as a means to generate income? If I could be paid just to care for my kids, believe me I would. In a heart beat. But there’s no more pay or retirement there then there was when I was married.
What I do I do to create a future for me and my kids. Just as my “ex” does for himself and the kids. He works for others to build his 401K. I build my business to build my financial future. Is it wrong to want a secure future? To want to have my own business? To do what I enjoy? Because I have a bunch of kids?
My marriage ended. Regardless of the number of children I have to move forward. I can’t just stay in my apartment and raise my kids. Nor can Kate G. As she clearly stated, “I’m thankful for these opportunities I have to provide for my children.” And so am I.
Why does the world have such a time accepting the change that woman, such as us, were thrust into accepting?
Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
Gee, I don’t know why your circumstances and choices are hard for some people to accept. Perhaps it’s just that old problem that anyone or anything that’s “too different” from the norm gets hassled. I mean they are YOUR choices, and you handle things awfully well considering what a complex set of problems you deal with daily. Just the logistics of maintaining that many intimate relationships astounds me, so I admire you for it.
I don’t quite know what to make of the Gosselins overall. I did feel the reality show about their family life was a creepy idea, but I can’t see why she shouldn’t be able to be in a competition to try and earn for what must be huge upkeep bills. I wouldn’t let anyone film MY life no matter how big a paycheck they offered, but I would go on Jeopardy if I had the chance. I also don’t know if Kate’s just trying to earn, or if she’s also suffering from fame addiction.
I can see why you would find the parallels interesting though.