TwitterMar 22 2010
My thoughts on Zac’s reaction to the dialysis appointment . . .
After posting the last post I decided to add a bit more…
I gave Zac’s response a lot of thought last week and I think it was the best way to be although during the appointment I was uncomfortable. Almost leaned into embarrassed at his reaction. But I didn’t because I reasoned: that he couldn’t be the first teen who was not easy to deal with, not to mention that that was his response and I had nothing to do with it, and he was coping in his way whether anyone liked it or not. But as I reflected I have come to the conclusion that it was not just him coping, it was him insisting and determining in his mind that diaylsis wasn’t happening for him in this lifetime. And really, that was the perfect response. I used the word picture of: his boat was just blown to bits and he is at sea clinging to a shred of wood floating in the water and trusting it to keep him afloat. He would never reach out and grab something that was sinking, that would drowned him. He would naturally avoid anything that would threaten to pull him under. This is the same sort of scenerio. He is literally fighting for his life, why on earth would he ever reach out to something that holds no recovery and possible eventual death? Something that is going to take tons of his life to perform daily. It makes sense for him to reject anything that threatens his life and cling to what is supporting it: natural whole foods, supplements, and other forms of medical intervention that builds his system back to health.
Healing takes place on several levels and one important level is his mental processing. It is a proven scientific fact that our emotional health plays a key role in healing. Zac is doing what is healthy. Keeping his mental thoughts clean and clear. So as we talked about it a few days later and I gave him this word picture and my thoughts he agreed and said, “And that’s another reason I’m thankful for my meditation CD and why I make sure I listen to it all night long. I know it’s helping me heal.”
So my conclusion? I applaud my 15 year old sons determination to heal and not allow anyone to interfere with him mentally and psychologically and cause him to veer off course. And I’m totally amazed at his maturity at such a young age.
Again, Night, Love ya,
Theresa Jane
I think Zac’s quite mature too. That sometimes happens when young people must live with chronic conditions.
Have you considered the possibility that he may also be progressing through the Kübler-Ross model in examining his options? Patients do go through them when faced with life-changing treatment possibilities.
You probably know them, but I’ll cut and paste for other readers:
The progression of states are —
1. Denial – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after the crisis.
2. Anger – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
3. Bargaining – “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay the crisis. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I may die, but if I could just have more time…”
4. Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “Why go on?”
The individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
5. Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
This final stage comes with peace and understanding of whatever inevitabilities are approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle.
Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, later to any form of catastrophic personal loss or change (job, income, freedom). This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, any serious diagnosis, as well many tragedies and disasters.
Kübler-Ross claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a “roller coaster” effect—switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it.