From House Wife To Film Maker

I don’t think I mentioned how the whole counseling thing went this past Tuesday with my ex.  So I’m going to back up and mention the session.  It went extremely well.  The best session yet.  Scott said something that he did throughout the marriage and it made me break down and cry.  It was very releasing in a very positive way.  Very healing.

I find it amazing how all these years can pass and so much has never been said.  Things that were so needed at the time…by us both.  Things I never knew.  Never would have suspected even.  And the same coming from me.  Owning stuff.  Admitting stuff.  It’s so healing.  Can be tough to say.  But healing.  Why is it that we don’t tell others these things when they’re so desperately needed?  How much better life would go if we would.  So often we/I clunk through life expecting so much, suppressing more, and struggling to get through.  When a simple thing like honest communication could solve so much so much sooner.  And free each of us up.  Then we could live the life we want to live.

Otherwise, since we spoke last I’ve been doing pretty well.  I had a bunch of days since last week where I’ve slipped into a slump of being, hummm, how do I sum this up??  Going through this whole mid-life, pre-menopausal thing can have it’s moments at times.  Add to that all I do with my kids, my business, trying to heal issues with the ex, continuing to strive to greater healing and resolution with my kids, working, and oh a zillion other things and I will honestly admit that there can be times where things seem gray.  As I’ve said before, I love being a woman, however the cycles we go through are only intensified at certain times of the month and then entering the whole pre-menopausal phase into this soup and well let’s just say that a chunk of last week and most all of the weekend I’ve been not myself.  Swimming around trying to locate me and discovering all the more that I’m not sure who I am or who I’ve been all these years and wanting to find me.

A friend said that I’m rebuilding myself.  I liked that word.  It’s true.  I feel anymore that at times that I’m a pile of lego blocks spread all around on the floor and I need to be re-assembled into something new and wonderful.  Here’s the thing.  I’m the builder as well.

And pieces are being snapped into place.  Where I am and have been this past week or so is assisting in that process, for that I’m certain.  This whole dark night of the soul thing I read about years back is completely true.  I’ve been living it.  In and out of darkness.  But the terrific thing is that I’m moving through and becoming…more…me…

Just got to do it that’s all

Talk at ya later, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-whose thankful for friends, my children, the sun that’s shining, my computer, the internet, my new hair cut that turned out so well this weekend, that I was able to enjoy the entire weekend with a bunch of my kids, for my health, for life

Tags: healing after divorce

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