Both were equally important.  Without my changing we wouldn’t have moved forward very far, if at all.

I share this because I know that I’m not the only one with a relationship with a child/ren that is in mild to major need of help/repair.  I share because if you are there you need guidance and hope.  I also share for those that have been reading my blog in order to share the joy of the healing.

Before I go on I want to drop a quote in here from a blog I read, it’s so applicable to today.  Here’s the link to the post where I pulled this quote from Invisible Micky’s blog click here for the link: http://bit.ly/amYilX

“So what’s with all the encouragement we get to act SOLID?  (“Be my rock.”)  I think it’s a metaphor that holds people back.  We are animated water balloons, with some meat and chemicals.  EMULATE WATER!  Don’t be solid (which you aren’t), be liquid.  ADAPT to the shape of the containers you are placed in.  GO WITH the FLOW.  Try not to freeze too easily.  ABSORB the HEAT.  Be elastic.  BE what you are – MOSTLY WATER. Has trying to be too “solid” held you back?”

Isn’t that great?  Really makes you think doesn’t it?  It’s brilliant and goes beautifully with what I’ve been thinking lately.

As I said, in healing my relationships with my kids, change has been one of the vital ingredients needed to bring about restoration.  My kids either spelled out what needed to change about me or I disciphered it.

Change is really the name of this earthly game.  If you can’t change you could get depressed, overwhelmed, or unable to move forward.  Life won’t be all it can be.  You won’t be all you can be.  Life is always evolving forward and who better to demonstrate this to us then children? They’re constantly reaching for their next age, their next level of privilege, their next grade in school…  There’s no standing still with them.

As a parent I’ve had to learn to flex and change in so many areas there’s no way to count them all.  And then as my kids reached adulthood I’ve had to change again in new ways and I’ve come to see how I should have changed more as they were growing.  Since I hadn’t, now I’ve come to see how I must change and have changed now to have a healthy and happy repaired relationship with them.  And honestly I know there is more change that lies ahead as they advance further into their adult lives.  The change is not over.  Not by a long shot.  So if I hope not to get back into this again with them I’m going to have to change all the more.  And I’m ready… CHANGE is GOoD.

So, in this post I just want to say.  Look around.  Feel and see where you’re “like a rock”?  And please, oh please, if you have kids ask them to be honest with you.  Ask them to tell you how you’re: too “solid” and it’s causing hurt to your relationship.  And then CHANGE.  It just may be the best thing you ever did.

Night, Love ya,
Theresa Jane

I have experienced two DIFFERENT reactions from my parents since the !BLAM!.
One positive and one negative.
I share to encourage others…
I share to say I understand…

My STEP-FATHER on the one hand has been a broken man since the !BLAM!
(Click here to read how remorseful he has been since the !BLAM!)
I also want to add that his change really began nearly 3 years ago when I went home and did, shall we call it, a very minor !BLAM! before I even had this concept to work from.  I went home to try to form some semblance of peace with my parents and I mildly faced them with the issues of the past. (click here to read that post) As I shared in that post… both back then and again (and more so) since the !BLAM! he has:
Asked for forgiveness,
Been incapable of understanding how I could ever forgive him for all he did in the past.
Taken the full burden of what he did.
And just as important and necessary he has completely changed in a positive manner towards me.
The control is gone.
The hooks are gone.
The power plays are gone.
I’m respected as an adult and much more.
Has his change been perfect?  No, but I’ve sure seen a turn in the opposite direction.  That gives me reason to believe he’s working on what little’s missing.  And honestly the little that’s missing tends to be due to him getting caught by my mother in one of her fire storms and taking her side.  That is a difficult situation I understand.  He has to live with her.  Try to maintain peace with her.  His health for the last 7 or so years has been in a delicate place and he has to rely on her.  So again this is a sticky wick.

My MOTHER on the other hand, sadly, is a hard woman who continues to refuse to except responsibility, or to change. 
Both since I went home and since the !BLAM!.
So far she’s made no verbal reference to me regarding the !BLAM!, but there’s been plenty of actions. (go back and read prior posts)
She’s angry, and she’s been showing me she is.
It’s apparent that she wants to hurt me.
Her treatment of me has been in a manner where she’s showing that she’s not giving and she’s still exerting her old, “I’m the mother you’re the child” tricks to attempt to control me.
There’s not been remorse.
There’s been no owning what she did.
From what others have been telling me she’s saying, I’m lying about the past.  I’m making her the wrong one.  It was all dad’s fault and yet I blame her for everything…she’s done nothing wrong.  Troubles that we’ve had between her and I, in my adult years, have been because of me, I want to hurt her.  I’m mean to her.  I’m disrespectful…

With that shared let me hasten to say, I understand why my mother’s upset and has for all these years continued to hold on to her position that she didn’t do anything wrong and she’s innocent.  I can only imagine that she’s living in turmoil.  The “best” that she did when I was growing up, obviously came out of her own problems that she suffered at the hands of her mother and father.  I understand that she, just as my step-father, did the best that they could when they raised me and I sympathize with them both in this area.  But their “best” caused a whole lot of suffering and pain in my childhood and long term effects to my adult life.  Therefore, I hope and pray my mother will come to see and understand what she has done.  Not only do I hope she comes to see and truly/sincerely own what she has done, I hope she can change her ways towards me.  If and when this happens my mother and I, the lion and the lamb, will lie together in peace and love.

Hopefully my mom can come to see all this and make some changes in order to free herself up from her personal-living-hell.

And I ask that you, my friends, keep my mother and I, our healing our relationship, in your prayers and mediation.

Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-I’m wondering, do you have a story to share??   -OR- Has what I’ve been sharing been helpful to you?  Please share in my comment section . . .