What’s been going on?  Here’s the highlights…

Tuesday my daughter Blessing took her car into the garage.  She called me while I was at work to tell me the mechanic told her that it was going to cost so much to fix her car she may as well trade it in and not to drive it anymore than she had to, if at all.  She doesn’t have the money for such a venture so the call was awash with tears and sobs.  She cried on and off pretty much the rest of the day.  I was working till 8 that night so I was not able to help her any.  In that time she went to a couple nearby car places and discovered she can’t get a loan without a co-signer.  I don’t qualify to co-sign, her father won’t.  Sooooo Wednesday, after I took Zac home from school at 11:30 and made him a lunch, I spent the day holding my daughter together as we: went to a bank to see what could be done.  Result…too young, no credit.  Went to a used car lot where her brother got his car and 8 of his co-workers.  She liked a car, the price was very good, but still she would need another $2,700 on top of her car to buy it.  Which she doesn’t have.  So we left.  By then it was time for us both to go to our evening employment.  She was doing pretty good by then.  Frustrated, but better.

The result of her car troubles?  On Thursday we had a little family meeting with her father, me, and her sister Sarah.  Why Sarah?  Well, this was where Sarah found out that the car that her father bought last summer for her to use to drive to school really wasn’t as he told her, “her” car, it was his and she could use it and now Blessing was get it to use for a few months, till she saved up the money she needed to buy another car.

This was the point where we all waited for Sarah’s 17 year old reaction…  I have to say that we were all pleasantly surprised.  She took it very well.  Oh, she wasn’t twinkling but she wasn’t screaming and such.  So, that was great.  I’m proud of her.

Course the way her father had lined up the conversation had left her little room.  He said, “In this family whenever someone needs help we do what we can to help them.  Well your sister needs help in a major way since her car is undriveable.  So I’m going to let her use my car, which you drive for the next few months…”  But believe me, even with that line up we were all holding our breath on this one, ready for the tsunami to rise up out of the ocean.  So far there’s been none and it’s been a week.  PHEW.

Last Thursday, after a two hour meeting in the morning brain storming the creation of a video that our business is going to be shooting, I took Zac to a doctor appointment.  We were there for soooooo long that Zac fell asleep.  Sooooo long that even I fell asleep, sitting upright, in a slouchy position, elbows propped on the arm rests, head dropped sideways, right there in the middle of the waiting room.  This may not sound like a big deal to you but this isn’t something I do…fall asleep in a busy waiting room.  You know, a waiting room, the place where a bunch of people surround you sitting with spouses, children, friends, and relatives.  The place where everyone’s all butted up against each other trying to act like there’s no one around them until something occurs and forces the issue.  The place where everyone’s faces are turned up watching the show that’s broadcasting on the very small TV suspended from the ceiling, regardless of what’s on because it gives everyone something to distract themselves with.  The TV that I’m so thankful for because until a few years ago there wasn’t a single TV to be found in any waiting room in any hospital leaving my children and I to log up teem hours in a “time warp” of nothingness…  Yeah, that’s the place I fell completely asleep.   All that down time, just sitting, waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting, I just couldn’t keep my eyes open.  I was so out that after about 40 minutes of sleep I woke up, looked around, saw others were asleep and zoned directly back out again.  And here’s the thing…I didn’t care.  All total, I believe I slept an hour and 10 minutes.

I guess there really is a first for everything.

As sleepy as I may have been waiting for the appointment I wasn’t when I left.  I was feeling energized.  The tests showed that things have improved.  Not tons and bunches, but they’ve improved.  Improvement is wonderful.  Improvement is comforting.  Improvement is what is necessary to keep my son off dialysis.  So hooray for improvement regardless of how small.

Otherwise this past week I’ve worked a ton.  I’ve been with my kids.  Had meetings.  Planned and progressed with our businesses.  Watched the movie “Precious”, not all at once the time wouldn’t permit that so it had to be viewed in two different chunks.  Nearly finished Trumps book, “Think Big and Kick Ass”.  Found another that I bought, “Never Be Late Again”–I have high hopes for that book, see I have this little problem in that department–, my mother went into the hospital on Sunday, she’s having a problem with a valve in her heart, so been on the phone a lot with that situation. Some times living closer would be nice.  It took the entire day to muddle through the hysteria and second hand information from different ones in and out of the family.  Having been in the medical world for nearly 19 years I have learned to take things slow and stay calm, not chose the scary words to build “diagnosis” out of, and how to really listen.  I was so glad when I finally was able to speak to a nurse, late that night, who gave me the correct information which took my mother from a major, she’s going to die, heart attack to what it is, not a heart attack, but a valve not working properly and needs surgery to repair.  She doing better.  She’s in ICU and will remain there for possibly a week as her heart rate randomly keeps going up.  They’ll do surgery when she’s stronger.  Most likely in a few weeks.  She’s nervous but I think she’s doing well with the whole thing considering they’ll have to do open heart surgery and that is not something she wants to do at all.

After all this I know you’re asking, “What is going on with your business?”  Well LOTS!!!!!  And I only wish I could tell you what the direction and plans are and that we’re actively bringing into life.  But I can’t just yet…

And came out of my slump I wrote about last.
I can’t just yet, but soon I’ll be able to and I’m looking forward to that day.

Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane

I gave Zac’s response a lot of thought last week and I think it was the best way to be although during the appointment I was uncomfortable.  Almost leaned into embarrassed at his reaction.   But I didn’t because I reasoned: that he couldn’t be the first teen who was not easy to deal with, not to mention that that was his response and I had nothing to do with it, and he was coping in his way whether anyone liked it or not.  But as I reflected I have come to the conclusion that it was not just him coping, it was him insisting and determining in his mind that diaylsis wasn’t happening for him in this lifetime.  And really, that was the perfect response.   I used the word picture of: his boat was just blown to bits and he is at sea clinging to a shred of wood floating in the water and trusting it to keep him afloat.  He would never reach out and grab something that was sinking, that would drowned him.  He would naturally avoid anything that would threaten to pull him under.  This is the same sort of scenerio.  He is literally fighting for his life, why on earth would he ever reach out to something that holds no recovery and possible eventual death?  Something that is going to take tons of his life to perform daily.  It makes sense for him to reject anything that threatens his life and cling to what is supporting it: natural whole foods, supplements, and other forms of medical intervention that builds his system back to health.

Healing takes place on several levels and one important level is his mental processing.  It is a proven scientific fact that our emotional health plays a key role in healing.  Zac is doing what is healthy.  Keeping his mental thoughts clean and clear.  So as we talked about it a few days later and I gave him this word picture and my thoughts he agreed and said, “And that’s another reason I’m thankful for my meditation CD and why I make sure I listen to it all night long.  I know it’s helping me heal.”

So my conclusion?  I applaud my 15 year old sons determination to heal and not allow anyone to interfere with him mentally and psychologically and cause him to veer off course.  And I’m totally amazed at his maturity at such a young age.

Again, Night, Love ya,
Theresa Jane

He didn’t want to go in the first place, however the doctor really wants us to keep moving forward just in case things don’t progress with his kidneys.  There are some things in the medical community that one really just has to agree to and this was one of “those”.  Zac sighed heavily and protested his need to go as we moved our way toward the appointment.  He preferred to have us go to it and he wait in the waiting room.  I laughed and told him, “I don’t think that that is the best idea really…” By the time we arrived in the waiting room of the Pediatric Renal Dialysis he was resigned, annoyingly, to go through the motions.

When we were called back we went into the actual dialysis unit into a side office.  There was a large TV set up with chairs crammed in between  an exam table, sink, counter… your standard exam room doubling as an informational area.  The nurse was smiling and very bubbly.  She started off by holding up a book and flipping through it.  It was something that she and another nurse had created to explains= a lot of various information for a child that’s on dialysis.  When she completed our “tour” through the book she smiled and proudly handed it to Zac and told him it was for him and that he could read through it when he was home.  Zac, without looking at her, reached out took the book, turned, handed it to me and said, “I’m not going to read that.”
Stunned the nurse gave a somewhat nervous laugh, looked sweetly at him and said, “Well, you’ll have it when your ready.”
“That won’t happen,” Zac said.
Feeling uncomfortable for the nurse I said, “Well Zac why don’t we read it over together when we’re home?”
“Not doing that,” Zac said.

Then we viewed a long video about the different forms of dialysis and the nurse asked if we had any questions.  I asked a few.  Then she asked Zac if he had any.  His answer?  “No.”
She said, “Not any?”
“No.  I’m not doing any of this,” he said.
“I understood this is all very overwhelming,” she said, “It’ll take time for you to come to except the changes it will mean to your life…”
He didn’t say a thing.  Nada.  Not one word.

Then we were guided out into the unit to tour the machines, talk with a child that was having dialysis, and the other nurses.  The nurses tried to interact with Zac but they had to work overtime to get him to respond.  One managed to get him to give a suppressed grin that was accompanied by a tiny comment.

Then the nurse was showed us the way out.

“Finally,” Zac said, “we were in there forever.”
“True, true.  Two hours to be exact,” I said.
Laughing I said, “Gosh Zac you sure gave those poor nurses a hard time.  They were only trying to help you understand and make things as easy as possible for you.  Maybe you could be a little more gentle in the future.”
Pushing his chair with firm resolution he said, “I don’t care I’m not doing any of that and I’m not going to talk about it like I am in any way.”
Surprised I thoughtfully said, “Okay, I see your point.  I don’t blame you.  It really is best that you kept yourself separated emotionally and thought wise to encourage your body to heal.”
Our drive home together was sweet and fun as always.  I have to say that 98% of the time Zac and I connect.  Always have.  As we drove I teased him about his one word, unresponsive answers and how he left the nurses flabbergasted for words and he laughed a deep belly laugh and said, “Yeah, I bet it did.”

Night, Love ya,
Theresa Jane
-BTW, soon and very soon the meditation CD that I referred to will be available for sale through my company…stay tuned, we will also have 9 different ones available for all sorts of needs

Update on Zac…
Monday: he woke to go to school but wasn’t feeling well.  So he stayed home and I stayed with him.  Healing is an up and down process.  But it sure rattles one when the down comes.  I feed him totally  healthy all day and kept his supplements going down him.  He slept a lot.  My, 16 going on 17, daughter Sarah wasn’t well either, stomach bug, she sat with him for three hours while I had a meeting for our business.  Came home, cooked lunch, feed them both, called the doctor to see about moving his Wednesday appointment because I had gotten work for that day, they told me that it was impossible to switch up this week.  All appointments of this nature had to be on Wednesday.  In the process the nurse informs me that we need to be prepared to have Zac admitted into the hospital if his blood levels weren’t improved enough.  And that the doctor was fairly certain that this is what we would be doing.  They would start an IV and additional meds as well as dialysis.  That was a surprise and didn’t help Zac any.  His good spirits slumped.  And so did mine frankly.  After my evening work I brought Zac here for the night.  We went to bed early.

Tuesday: he stayed home again.  He was much better but felt he shouldn’t go because he wasn’t in tip top shape, and he wasn’t.  He wanted to rest all he could before the appointment on Wednesday and I had to say that I and his father completely agreed with him.  Both Scott and I had to work so I set him up with his supplements all ready for him to take, freshly made grape juice, and food in the crock pot.  I was only 8 minutes away so if need be I could be home quick as a wink.  Carrying a set of 21 month old twins, but I would have been here.  I stayed in contact with him a few of times via the phone and he was fine.  At four I finished up and came home to take him to his appointment with his Naturopath, John Solomon Sandridge.  Then back to his house where I cooked dinner and hung out with my kids, home around 10:30, got online to blog and discovered that all our sites were down.  An hour plus later after doing all I could to get them running, I  chatted with a friend through Facebook then went to bed… and cried.

Wednesday/today: Much crying this morning at 7, I canceled with the family I was supposed to work for, I just couldn’t get it together.  I can always get it together, so this was hard for me to do.  I even called a girlfriend to get her to, well, basically give me permission to be a mess and not go to work, then she prayed over me for my strength and Zac.  I went back to sleep and woke up feeling much better.  Strengthened by her love and prayers the only thing I was left with was a stomach full of butterfly’s when I took Zac to his appointment with the kidney specialist…
First blood work and urine sample.  Then the wait…
I am more than thrilled to report that Zac’s levels were significantly improved.  The doctor himself was amazed.  He was so thrilled and overwhelmed he couldn’t hide his excitement.  He was surprised to no end because, as he said, they really have done very little intervention so far.  Just the implanted catheter and the few supplements they gave us scripts for for vitamins, they just knew that the serious step of dialysis was going to be required.  We didn’t tell them that we’ve also added herbal supplements and treatments to assist his body to process the minerals better.  Some things are just better left unsaid.  But I did inform him that Zac has cooperated totally with the drastic diet change and has eaten more fruits and vegetables then he ever has in his life.  This doctor was so overjoyed he was like a little kid that just got an A on his spelling test.  He was bubbling and beaming from ear to ear and couldn’t keep himself from going out to the nurses station and canceling the room and admit papers he had processing for Zac.  At one point he said, “Something you’re doing is working.  Whatever it is keep doing it.  These results are very significant.  They still need improvement however from where we were last week till now it’s exceptional.”  As he was leaving he thanked Zac for all the work he had done to accomplish these results and Zac chuckled an thank you.

Well, you know that my eyes were tear filled and I did all I could to not break down with relief during the appointment.  However, after we calmly and mannerly entered the elevator and the doors slid closed I turned to Zac and shrieked, “Yes!  You don’t have to go to the hospital or have dialysis.  Yes! Yes! Yes!”  Of course I added a few jumps and a little dance to it as well just to get all the excitement expressed.  Then all the way home I kept saying, “Well, what we do works.  Add what they did to it and you are on the path to well,”… “I can breath again.  I don’t think I’ve breathed in days.”…”Thank God.  Thank God.  You didn’t go to the hospital, you’re getting well.  No dialysis.”  Zac, my 15 year old subdued son, didn’t say much about his excitement and relief but he did say, “I know” a lot and he couldn’t help but have a grin from ear to ear and chuckle at me most of the way home.  So, it’s obvious he’s relieved and thankful.

Soooo, as the doctor said we aren’t out of the woods on Zac’s health yet.  Not at all, but the hospital is not a needed option now.  Zac levels need much more improving and once he regains full kidney function he will have to take proper care of himself every day as he is now.  But we are certainly on our way.  We have an appointment in two weeks rather than one since things are doing so well.  They are still scheduling us for the dialysis and kidney transplant information sessions to have us informed just in case.  And of course his blood will continue to be monitored and if there is a major reverse then we’ll have to consider dialysis again.   But if we keep on the course not even the doctor seems to anticipate that outcome.

Night, love ya and thank you all for your prayers and positive affirmations, they have been felt and abundantly appreciated.  Please continue.
Theresa Jane
-who is going to bed smiling                                and thankful

Honestly I have felt this dragon in me all my life.  Completely unaware of it being my sign, or what I was feeling, and certainly the significance of it being so.

Dragons are symbols of great power, strength, endurance, courage, and incredible wisdom.  So I have to ask… what’s not to like about having that as your sign???  However there’s a flip side to having the dragon and that is that the one that carries it must also learn to tame it.  The dragon has a lot of fire in them.  I have had a lot in me.  I’ve had to really learn how to tame and control her.  The last six plus years was when that journey took serious shape.

The dragon analogy is used a lot in life.  In a lot of ways.  And right now this analogy is applicable.  Right now I’m dealing with it in a manner of facing the difficult.  The dragon.  Having to lean hard into what I believe and know to be absolutely true.  However the truest of tests has been placed at my feet and it’s taking all the strength of the dragon to get through.

Last Wednesday my son Zac, the one in the wheel chair due to being born with Spina Bifida, had a routine appointment to check on his vitals…. kidney’s, bladder, shunt.  These are appointments that we have attended twice a year for 15 years without a bump or snag of any real concern.  Appointments that we’ve endured.  We can wait in the waiting room one, two, three hours, then in the exam rooms for no less than three while doctors and nurses file through at various intervals.  Prior to the appointments we go to x-ray, ultrasound, and whatever else they require at the time…blood work, urine samples…  They are all day affairs that, over the years have become as routine as, well I can’t think of a word picture for this one.  But they’re routine.   Casual.  Boring.  A test to ones endurance at times.   They come, they go, they pass without any outstanding result.  So much so that I don’t go anymore.  I always had.  I was always the one that took him.  But since the divorce his father takes him.  His office is minutes from the hospital.  I’m minutes from the school.  Both separated by lots of traffic and a half hour drive during good traffic.  Someone needs to get my two youngest from school since these days will always take longer than the pick up time from Extended Day.  It makes sense.  It works.

Except this time.  This time was different. Those tests produced news.  News that every parent of a child with SB fears.  The threat  we all hear from when they are born…  I got a call from his father…Zac is in renal kidney failure.  A level 4.  There’s no level 5.  On a scale of 1-100.  100 being perfect, he is at a 25.  One point above the need for dialysis,  so it’s not “if” dialysis, it’s “when”.  And even with it there’s a very strong possibility that he’ll need a kidney transplant.  His potassium is so high that if it goes up at all he will/could die instantly of a heart attack.

I froze.
I asked slow, paced questions.
Tears burned down my cheeks.
I had a hard time processing everything.
“Yes, I’ll  go there when you get home.”  We need to talk with Zac.
We ended the call.
I went to my bedroom.
Closed the door.
Slumped hard against the wall and cried.  My body shook with convulsions as I internalized the sobbing wail.  I crumbled forward as a silent scream tore through me, sparing the boys from the fear of seeing me in this extreme reaction.  Of not understanding… since I was so far into pain and shock.
Finally, my trembling hand dialed the phone.  The well versed number that dials my friend.  My business partner.  My Naturopathic Spiritual Intuitive…John Solomon Sandridge.  The man who saved me from death 6 and a half years ago.
He told me what to give Zac.  He told me to change his diet immediately to all whole fresh food.  He encouraged.  He sought to strengthen me…  “This is difficult, but think and be positive.  Live today.  Today he is alive… He needs you to be strong.  Together.  Don’t sentence him to death…”

I pulled myself together.  His father and I talked with Zac.  He said he’ll do what he needs to to get well.

I have a Naturopath that I know can show us how to allow Zac’s body to heal.  I know from personal experience.  I know from my girlfriend Frances who 19-20 years ago was in level 4 ovarian cancer, there is no level 5, and given 2-3 weeks to live and is alive today with more energy and drive than anyone I know because, and only because of John Solomon Sandridge’s skill with the human body and getting it to heal with herbs, vitamins, food, and treatments.  I know from all the other people I’ve personally witnessed that have come to him half dead and live today.  I also have a strong medical community that is working with us as well doing all they know to do.
This is a great combination.
I have a good deal of peace now that I’m through the shock.
So what’s my dragon?   It’s one thing for me to have been snatched from the jaws of death, and Frances and others, and it’s another to watch your child brushing against it.  This is the stare into the dragons eyes.  This is the truest of tests for me.  To lean into the knowing and have unwavering faith that Zac’s body can and will heal itself.  And all we/he has to do is to follow the directions.  Daily.
Honestly I’m doing very well.  But I won’t tell you that there isn’t this little twinge in my stomach at times.  A ripple that moves through attempting to rob me of my peace.  But overall I’m restful.  Expecting his health to return without dialysis or a transplant–that he might or might not live to see due to how long they take to get if his health didn’t restore itself.  Which it will.

Thus far Zac has responded very well.  He doesn’t want to die.  He doesn’t want a kidney transplant.  So he has taken the supplements.  Every day.  Three times a day.  He’s willingly eating the meals I’m making him as I’ve taken over this area of his life.  He’s eating things that before he wouldn’t touch, like most vegetables and fruits.  He’s paying attention to the do’s and don’ts of his diet and adhering to them.  He’s embracing the truth that he can heal his body.   He’s amazingly strong about it.  He knows I got well.  He knows he can.  He trusts in John Solomon’s ability.  And I’m thankful, once again, for John. Doctor John Solomon Sandridge.

Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane
-who finally was ready and mentally together to talk about this in my blog…more tomorrow