Becoming “you” is vital to everyone’s existence, if we’re to have a full and satisfying life.  You’d think something this vital would be taught more.  But I know I wasn’t.  My parents, most especially my mother, wanted me to bend and torque to the image she wanted from me and if I didn’t: well look out.

Being raised this way caused me to live with blinders.  Blocking out much that didn’t fit the pattern she beat into my head: submissive, obedient, don’t question, don’t feel, fear…  Keeping me from seeing the way I had become.  Let alone know that there may be another way.  A better way.  Therefore it has taken years of working with my life coach to learn certain essential things and literally seconds to understand.

For instance I worked years with my coach before he assisted me to see the mask I wore was called “worthless“.  Oh sure I “saw” it.  More or less.  Some times I caught glimpse of it.  But I didn’t understand it till last month.  That day the light went on, I understood.  I understood the far reaching implications, how it literally effected my every thought and action every single day…  I shaped my life around that word and it was riddled with hurt and disappointment and I expected nothing else: worthless people don’t deserve happiness.

Now that I “understand” I’m able to form new thoughts and remind myself:  I have value and worth, I can be loved and show emotion, I can live for me…  It’s safe.  And best of all now I can detect when I feel myself beginning to slip on the mask of worthlessness.  Enabling me to take action to negate it.  Some times I win big.  Others sort of.  Others not at all… but at least now I can evaluate it…

Night, love ya,
Theresa Jane